Henry Rollins Unlicensed Poetry Massacre

"103:  August.  There's a man in an apartment, he's sweating and out of his mind.  He spreads the classified section on the kitchen and goes into the living room.  He picks a baby up out of a crib that's in the corner and takes it over to the sink.  He takes its diaper off and runs the kid under cold water.  He places the crying child on the newspaper.  He takes a knife and hacks the kid into fist-sized chunks.  He takes the whole thing to the window and throws it out.  It lands on the sidewalk.  He looks down at all the people freaking out and staring back up at him.  He closes the window, washes his hands and goes back t to the television which is always on..."

I recited from the book
French Dressings & Other Oddities

It is Read Out Loud Our Favorite Books Nite
at my house

I had some friends over
sitting around my living room
which walls were windows
to the outside world, hung over a ravine
lush with a deep stream and trees and
all kinds of verdant vegetation
"out in the sticks," as they say

"Huh, that was an interesting piece
about hacking up a crying baby.
Maybe his girlfriend was out scoring
heroin and she hooked up with
some Sunday Loser and she left her baby
with him and then he got really annoyed"

said Jessica, my girlfriend's friend who
worked in accounting, "I don't agree with
putting the baby in the newspapers, I would
have at least dried him off with a towel first."

"what, and ruin a perfectly good towel?"
asked the other Jessica, of no relation."

"I agree.  Babies are terrible, especially
when you just leave them lying around.
I agree this guy just got fed up with the
kicking and screaming and crying while
trying to watch his favorite show on the
televisions machines." quipped Mark
Wahlberg, with his finely chiseled
face glasses

"Oh Mark Wahlberg you always say that."

"It's my answer to this Henry Rollins
riposte.  Give me another hit of that."

Just then a knock on our very secluded
door.

Bang
Bang
Bang

"Okay,  who could that be, this in invitation only"

I got the door

"This is the FBI.  We have a warrant
enforcing federal laws about giving
poetry readings without a licence."

"Son of a bitch, you have got to be
kidding."

"No sir.  Put the book down now!
You are under arrest!"

I laid my copy of
Exploding Ducks,
American Style Mass Shootings
& Other Poems

My guests started scattering
Looking for a place to hide
Mark Wahlberg hid behind the
kitchen counter
Both Jessicas
hid behind the drapes

"is there anyone here with you?" asked
the long arm of the law.

"no."

they didn't believe me and searched
the premise while I turned on the television

"the report is 67 dead 133 wounded in
this latest mass shooting in the United
States..."

One of the brainless feds
who was watching TV with me:
"Sad, isn't it?  Too bad there
is nothing law enforcement can
do."

"Yes, your arms are certainly tied
You are off enforcing poetry laws."

"I know.  We are brave heroes."

"Right.  Crazy Charlie over there
can amass an arsenal of firearms
and buy a container ship worth of
booze, but if I smoke weed, the world
is coming to an end, right?"

"Think of all the children you hurt
when you buy weed!  Think.  Of.
the.  Children!"

"Oh go fuck yourself, asshole."

The End



Attentions of Dire Warnings Critical Disclaimer & Things of that Nature:

'If civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships - the ability of all peoples, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world at peace."

--Artur Axmann

the German Nazi national leader (Reichsjugendführer) of the Hitler Youth (Hitlerjugend)

Hi, my name is Anthony and I have been spending years hacking and slashing out the finest short word content available anywhere. This is Setting Puppies on Fire! at Patreon, where book junkies go to finance their reading and writing habits!

At Patreon, you can sponsor content creators who bring you all kinds of wonderful things to do via the world wide web!

Anthony's Patreon Page:

https://www.patreon.com/setting_puppies_on_fire

Consider throwing a fellow star child of the universe a few silver coins so I may continue to plant the finest thought forms into the fertile intelligence of the universe!

Happy readings, and have a wonderful day!

Common Sense Logical Gun Control Abortion Picnic Setting

Hi Kids!  Father Lucifer is Home!  

My neighbor's six year old son accidentally shot and killed his eight year old brother a few days ago.

According to local news, the kids Mathew, eight, and Mark, six, were playing in the back yard, where their father Dustin Hoffman, left his handgun on the picnic table.  Dustin Hoffman was hosting a picnic barbecue for his wife Rhonda's 45th birthday.

Showing off his new gun he bought his for her birthday, Dustin had left the.45 Colt Double Eagle to go inside and grab a beer.  At the same time, the phone rang, and Rhonda went to answer it, leaving her new gift out side on the picnic table.

A moment later there was a loud banging sound. The mildly concerned father and mother went outside to investigate.  They owned a beautiful gated back yard to keep undesirable, dangerous people out. Their first thought was that their kids dug into the fireworks they bought for 4th of July celebrations.

Dustin saw to his mild consternation that his oldest son Mathew was laying in a pool of blood.  Chunks of his face and skull splattered the egg salad sandwiches and the freshly grilled hot dogs and hamburgers.  There was bits of brain matter on the potato chips.  The mess really ruined a nice, well planned back yard birthday barbecue celebration.   

Mathew had been shot in the head by Mark.  Mathew and Mark were used to playing with their father's gun collection, but this was the first time Mark ever got shot in the head.  Mark was very dead.

Needless to say, the picnic was ruined, and Dustin Hoffman had to start grilling all over again, including making new egg salad sandwiches.  He also had to go to Kwik Trip to pick up a new bag of Sour Cream and Onion potato chips.  It was a real hassle. 

Yet, this story has a happy ending, because Dustin Hoffman's wife Rhonda just happened to be pregnant (in the third trimester). 

By the time she reached her third trimester, Rhonda realized that she was pregnant.  For this reason hey were considering having her baby vacuumed out of her womb; sucked out and put in a garbage can for the trash to pick up on Monday morning.  Problem solved. 

Thankfully, God led me to their door with some anti-baby murder brochures. 10 minutes later, they started crying "how could we even think of murdering our baby now, after reading this three page brochure?"

Long story short, if they had an abortion, how would they be able to replace their dead kid, Mark, you pro-baby killers?  And this is their last chance because they don't have the resources to make another fetus. They have declared bankruptcy and have been selling their furniture to buy food.

But you Satanist worshiping baby killers want that precious child dead, right?  Why do "those people" hate guns and love killing babies so much?  It isn't logical.  And I have long given up looking for logic from the people "on the wrong side of Jesus." 

As for gun control:  just tell your kids "do not to pick up the handgun and play with it when it is loaded, or at least, not to point it at anyone important."

That what I tell my children, Jenny and Lisa and Andy. Yes, I know, kids are curious about things, but a little intellectual gun curiosity is good for the soul, like religion.  You wouldn't deny your kids curiosity about God, would you? That's what make me a responsible parent. 

Reader's Comments

EZ: you're an idiot

MikeY:  Anthony - Interesting story but you seemed to have missed an important point in your dot connecting. "six year old son accidentally shot and killed his 8 year old brother". Note they had both been born, hence the age? A fetus isn't a child as it hasn't been born yet and so, there's nothing to replace. In addition, in the case of abortion, the woman made a personal decision, as is her right. Your analogy fails across the board.

Anthony:  I know my analogy fails across the board.  I'm no good at anything.  

RANDOLPH:  I'm sure all so called Liberals will agree it was very tragic what happened to your neighbors and we convey our heartfelt condolences but where did you come up with the loony scenario about abortion and ignorant liberals? You Sir need to have your elevator repaired. It's not making it to the top floor!

Anthony:  I'm taking as many pills as I can swallow at once already?  My mental state is pretty screwy I agree.  

Pat:  Oh wow, Anthony, not only are you illiterate, you are also downright stupid. No one EVER can "replace" a dead child! It isn't like buying a new TV when the old one wears out, LOL! You're another one that I hope has no kids. Wow, just pure ignorance.

Anthony:  Hi Pat.  Yes, I'm not very smart.  Not like you.  Someday I'll get there though!  Thoughts and prayers for me! 


Attentions of Dire Warnings Critical Disclaimer Things:

"Son, you will eat that goddamn macaroni and cheese and you will like it!"                                             

Darth Vader to Luke Skywalker

Hi, my name is Anthony and I have been spending years hacking and slashing out the finest short word content available anywhere. This is Setting Puppies on Fire!  at Patreon, where book junkies go to finance their reading and writing habits!  

At Patreon, you can sponsor content creators who bring you all kinds of wonderful things to do via the world wide web!  

Anthony's Patreon Page

Consider throwing a fellow star child of the universe a few silver coins so I may continue to plant the finest thought forms into the fertile intelligence of the universe!

Happy readings, and have a wonderful day!

More Disclaimers Things:  No, don't worry, the puppies were not set on fire.  That would be mean.

My Famous List Video--Director's Cut

I went out one day, to do some shopping in the woods.  I found 7 bizarre things that will blow your mind, and cure you of your donkey cancer of the brain!  So grab some popcorn, settle in for the evening, because it's going to be a wild ride!

Hey you kids, stay off my lawn!

Okay, now, the moment you've all been waiting for!  Lo, I present The List (Director's Cut):

1)  Tree
2)  More tree
3)  Squirrel-neck
4)  UFO
5)  Crop circle
6)  Sunflower
7)  Even more tree

So there you have it my finely feathered friends.  I hope you enjoyed this video.  Please hit that like and subscribe button, if you want to support my work. However I know I have already failed before I even got started.  Everyone says so. Therefore, I am going to swallow a bottle of sleeping pills and down this cheap bottle of vodka.

Post Script:  Before I die in a few minutes, can anyone tell me why List Videos are so damned popular?  What do you gain by finding out Which 7 Presidents wore Ladies Underwear?  Or, The 7 Most Popular Pancake Syrup Brands that Failed in the 70's?  Why?

Why? Why do you need to know about The Top Seven Times Playboy Models Regretted Eating Breakfast?

Why, O Great Lord of List Videos?
Ah, as Nirvana says's, never mind.
The pills are taking effect--so
As always, thanks for watching
See you on the flip side, braah!

Attention:  Dire Warning Critical Disclaimer Thing 

Son, you will eat that goddamn macaroni and cheese and you will like it! 

--Francis Ford Coppola
film director 

Hi, my name is Anthony and I have been spending years hacking and slashing out the finest short word content available anywhere. This is Setting Puppies on Fire! at Patron, where book junkies go to finance their reading and writing habits! 

At Patreon, you can sponsor content creators who bring you all kinds of wonderful things to do via the world wide web!   

Anthony's Patreon Page

Consider throwing a fellow star child of the universe a few silver coins so I may continue to plant the finest thought forms into the fertile intelligence of the universe! 

Happy readings, and have a wonderful day! 

Disclaimer:   No, don't worry, the puppies were not set on fire.  That would be mean.

Equilateral

The mice gnaw at my frozen toes
Next morning I note two are gone
I relieve my frustration with gin
My conversation is unrestrained

Next morning I note two are gone
The event of my thought is silence
My conversation is unrestrained
The lice fall off searching for flesh

The event of my thought is silence
Living and breathing poisoned air
The lice fall off searching for flesh
The swastika flying over my pain

Living and breathing poisoned air
Sick with dysentery and suicide
The swastika flying over my pain
The fractured bone's hallucination

Sick with dysentery and suicide
I appear, apocalyptic, ghost-like
The fractured bone's hallucination
The pitter-patter of restless feet 

I appear, apocalyptic, ghost-like
The mice gnaw at my frozen toes
The pitter-patter of restless feet
I relieve my frustration with gin

hitlers seasame street 24th mechanized puppet panzer massacre

Like sands through the hourglass so are the days of our lives

once upon a time
adolf hitler and big bird
formed a pact intent on ridding
sesame street
of the black rain of illegal puppets
flooding the obama economy
with cheap second
rate puppetry

when i eradicate the
illegal puppetry trade
a parasite sucking the 
blood of mr hoopers store
and forcing bert and ernie
to pay higher puppet taxes
we achieve a social utopia

yes

the cheap puppet and 
their puppeteer handlers
threaten putting
mr hooper and his 
shop out of business
with their low wages
and poorly acted voices 

said the seasame street fuehrer 

hitler gave big bird command
of the 24th mechanized 
armored panzer division
and instructed him to

not stop until you destroy
every illegal puppet
and their leftist
puppeteer handlers
but 
spare the aryan 
puppets like grover
cookie monster
and mr snuffleupagus

aye aye captain

said bid bird

they wont be 
putting me and
my friends out of
work for long

so sitting atop his mighty
tiger II heavy tank
big bid lead the attack

but it was not long
before hitlers choice 
of commander of 
the 24th panzer
proved a 
choice
disastrous

bird what are you doing
said mr snuffleupagus
as birds tiger II rolled
up on him 
the mighty
tank firing rounds 
from its massive
88 millimeter gun

oh hi snuffy
i am making
seasame street great again
my friend adolf hitler said so

he gave me command 
of a mechanized panzer 
armored division 

my mission is to 
bring balance back
to the force

bird
adolf is not your friend
said snuffy

you are setting seasame 
street ablaze and hurting
the obama seasame
street economy

but
i am an 
evil genius
said bird

so bird proceeded
to level and wipe 
out every last 
square inch
and every
living 
breathing puppet
on seasame street

the carnage of puppets
torn in a hundred pieces
littered the burning buildings
and devastated businesses
a sickening sigh like meat
for the guns

uh oh said big bird

adolf hitler was furious

what is this
railed hitler

your orders
were to spare 
the good puppets
and clean up
the bad element

so he fired big bird
and appointed elmo
as head of the 
24th mechanized 
armored panzer
division

the end


Cast:

Adolf Hitler  

a German politician and leader of the Nazi Party (Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei; NSDAP). He rose to power as Chancellor of Germany in 1933 and later Führer--Leader--of the German Reich.  After being defeated in World War II, Hitler fled and set up shop at seasame street, as this tale related 

Aloysius Snuffleupagus 

(/ˌsnʌfəlˈʌpəɡəs/), more commonly known as Mr. Snuffleupagus, Snuffleupagus or Snuffy for short, is one of the characters on Sesame Street, an educational television program for young children. He is a woolly mammoth-like creature, without tusks or (visible) ears, and has a long thick pointed tail, similar in shape to that of a dinosaur (like a sauropod; in particular an Apatosaurus) or other reptile. 

Big Bird  

The main protagonist of the children's television show Sesame Street. He is an eight-foot two-inch (249 cm) tall bright yellow anthropomorphic canary.  He can roller skate, ice skate, dance, swim, sing, write poetry, draw, and even ride a unicycle. Despite this wide array of talents, he is prone to frequent misunderstandings. On one occasion even singing the alphabet as one big long word (from the song called "ABC-DEF-GHI," pronounced /æbkədɛfgi:dʒɛkəlmɪnɒpkwɜrstu:vwɪks      ɪz/), pondering what it could mean.